He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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