Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
