You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
