I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
