drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
