you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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