So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
