I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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