Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When are your genitals available?
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