I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
