So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize