Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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