the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
