I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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