i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
