Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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