Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
