My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
