i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
