every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
