this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
