When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
