Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
