I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Found your dick twin last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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