Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
