she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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