how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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