i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My ass is underappreciated
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
