Well apparently he's into motor boating.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
