Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
