I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
