My sheets look like a crime scene.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
