I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
