he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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