I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
