She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
