please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
