Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
