3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can i not drive my cunt home
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
