apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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