if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
