My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
