wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
