my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
