Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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