Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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