He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
