Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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