Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
