I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
