your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
