dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
