So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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