Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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