i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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