so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
