That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
