After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
