I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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