So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
