His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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