You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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