I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
