and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
