today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize