sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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