He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
