"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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