you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
