Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
