She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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