I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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