Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
