Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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