im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
