Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
