So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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