the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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