Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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