woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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