fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
