my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
