I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
