another moral hangover. fuck.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
