just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
