Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
