I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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