Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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