First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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